That's what K has started saying on an almost daily rotation. Something that disturbed me so much the first time around that I actually started crying. Something that disturbs me so much still that I start crying.
So why does K say it and why does it make me feel so bad?
K, I guess is now being hit by the jealousy that should've come a year and a half ago when A was born. So, he sees himself as the ignored one- which is just not true at all. But he says it when the smallest of things is refused him and I guess he feels it as well. Because he is just not the one to 'just' say things. And I feel bad for precisely the same reason- that he is not the kind to just say things.
So if I refuse to buy the nth book that he just takes a fancy to, if I tell him to just go ahead and sleep while I put A to bed telling him I will cuddle with him the moment he goes off to the land of sleeping or anything at all, I don't love him.
This evening, A and I had a talk with him which now I feel was a little too heavy for him. And yet, I also think it was required and was important on a level. We, without the least hint of being upset, asked him the reasons he thought we didn't love him anymore. And as he enumerated the reasons, he found himself saying that he'd been saying this in anger and that he knew we loved him. Now whether he actually believes it or was just saying it, remains to be seen.
But I do feel, we got through to him.
Should we have just ignored him and not addressed this issue which clearly has been plaguing him? Should we have taken it for a phase and allowed it to pass- as it undoubtedly will?
We will be facing many more difficult situations like these, should we have just taken it in our stride?
Well, we did what we did. And I will keep all posted as things shape up.
Till then my fingers are crossed and my heart is a heavy, just a teeny tiny bit.
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it would be great to know what you have to say!