A Day at Sultanpur

For those who think I am talking about a day spent at someone’s posh farm house like last Saturday, it was certainly not so- it was spent at the bird sanctuary.

It was K’s second trip and A’s first. Of course K had just about turned two, so he had no recollection of ever being there- pretty much like A right now. Of course N was duly invited and instantly wanted to come along. So we set out, a picnic ready sans any fancy picnic cane basket, the kinds you read about in books or see in movies!

The food was substantial- boiled eggs, fresh coleslaw, bread, loads of chips, funflips, m & m’s, juices, and plenty of fresh fruit- giant red grapes, oranges, pomegranates, guavas and more! The spirits were high. The weather was grey and dark but to Delhi people even grey is a shade of romantic- something to do with the hot horrible summers and the wonderfully refreshing monsoons. And of course for a journey of an hour, it took us close to two, so by the time we reached, it was a quarter past one. 

After waiting for my baby to wake up and the rain to subside, we loaded up the stroller with stuff, the kids with windproof jackets and set off.

Oh it is a beautiful place. Even in the April heat last time, it was a great green place to spend a morning. Today was just perfect. 

It was a little grey still, and the far off reaches were a little invisible. But the walk along the side of the various water bodies was really charming, even after the initial glitch with these guys not climbing off the watchtower etc and me shouting like a banshee as usual.

But after that it was as close to ideal as it could possibly be, with A and I actually having a conversation, some semblance of planning if not our lives, our vacations for the next year. The children ran happily along and we were so beautifully content that we even called up Jaipur to drive out tomorrow. Of course, the plan later seemed a little too much especially as it would involve rushing back, feeding the kids, A’s getting the bike back from servicing and packing into the night to leave early morning.

In fact, even as I write, I do not really know if we go tomorrow morning.

But I also have to outline the route to the sanctuary before I forget as A has duly instructed me. So on the Delhi-Gurgaon road, you carry on till the Hero Honda Chowk, where you swing a right, carry on straight from there and being sure to swing lefts on forks except for the very first one. So you pass really crappy areas and pass this elevated road and finally arrive at this sanctuary which definitely merits a visit every winter.

It is sheer pleasure to see the kinds of birds, I have no idea about the names of the birds, but they were no ordinary birds- that I know for sure. The only spoiler was K’s super tantrum right on the way back to the car!


Well, I have kind of lost the thread to this post thanx to A's non stop chatter, so I will just sign off now!
For those wanting a pic or two, will upload them asap!

Tales of an Indian Mother in Law- I

A lot of novels and stories begin this way- 'if i knew ...blah blah blah...15 years ago...blah blah blah...', so my beginning would also be cliched. But the funny thing is I am living a cliched life! How sad is it to see in words, not just floating around in your mind, being tucked here and there just so I don't really have to say hello and do something about it.
Now I am trying to be poetic and funny.


So here we go again; if 16 years ago someone had told me that this is what my life would be, maybe I would've thought very hard before getting into it. I love my children and would do anything for them, go through anything for them, but this I still would've thought about.
So where does my mother-in-law come into it?
Well, she is root cause of all evil in this very dysfunctional household. What mother would refuse a puja done for their son?
She is the epitome of jealousy, strife and pettiness. I, as a mother now, want nothing more than seeing my two children having fun together; want so desperately for my babies to grow up and remain close to each other; wish fervently that they remain the best of friends as they grow old.


This woman wants nothing of the sort. If my husband and his brother start getting close, it upsets her plans of being the power centre of the house. A close and open relationship between her two sons upsets her as she can't bitch about one to the other.
When I started writing this post, I thought I would be writing a lot. But as I continue, I realise the futility of the exercise. It only highlights my powerlessness to change things. Which grandmother stops talking to her grandchildren because she is upset with the parents? Which grandparent openly shows preference for one set of grandchildren and complete neglect for another set?
Which mother doesn't ask her son, who;s just returned from the hospital where his wife still is after a major surgery, how his wife is or even if he needs to eat a bite? Which woman has no consideration for another who's just given birth and shows no inclination to help?
One of my friends says I am all set to get screwed from both ends (pun not intended): that I have the devil for my mother in law who just doesn't want to help me and that I would be the mother in law who will not be able to do enough for my daughters in law! I hope not. 

I understand now...

...some things which I knew in principal but not otherwise. Things like:

My husband is a man and I mean it in the nicest way possible. What I mean is that men and women are different. And I mean that nicely as well. The inherent difference between men and women barring some of course, is what sank in this week. All my complaints against my husband, I realise now are essentially, complaints against 'MEN' or their basic constitution :-)
A is extremely helpful when it comes to the children, to chores around the house etc- so no complaints there. What I was getting worked up about for the last 16 years, without any improvement on A's part, was the way he is with me.
He uses his head more than his heart when it comes to me, which is why he'll never get me samosas j l t!
He uses his heart and not his head when it comes to his family- parents etc
He mentally shuts down when I talk to him, which is why he doesn't remember anything I say to him.
He never really listens to me when it comes to important matters- sure he listens but never acts about anything.
He is dismissive of my rants- as anyone in their right mind should be.
He still uses 'sweater' and 'phone' in the irritating feminine use very particular of his family- just shows even after 16 years, who he is closer to!

My, when I started writing, I was okay about all this stuff. I was even a little relieved of the stress I've had because of a lot of things recently. But now I am thinking, I have been able to completely change myself. Why couldn't it be the same for men?

MA, You don't love me!

That's what K has started saying on an almost daily rotation. Something that disturbed me so much the first time around that I actually started crying. Something that disturbs me so much still that I start crying.
So why does K say it and why does it make me feel so bad?
K, I guess is now being hit by the jealousy that should've come a year and a half ago when A was born. So, he sees himself as the ignored one- which is just not true at all. But he says it when the smallest of things is refused him and I guess he feels it as well. Because he is just not the one to 'just' say things. And I feel bad for precisely the same reason- that he is not the kind to just say things.

So if I refuse to buy the nth book that he just takes a fancy to, if I tell him to just go ahead and sleep while I put A to bed telling him I will cuddle with him the moment he goes off to the land of sleeping or anything at all, I don't love him.

This evening, A and I had a talk with him which now I feel was a little too heavy for him. And yet, I also think it was required and was important on a level. We, without the least hint of being upset, asked him the reasons he thought we didn't love him anymore. And as he enumerated the reasons, he found himself saying that he'd been saying this in anger and that he knew we loved him. Now whether he actually believes it or was just saying it, remains to be seen.
But I do feel, we got through to him.

Should we have just ignored him and not addressed this issue which clearly has been plaguing him? Should we have taken it for a phase and allowed it to pass- as it undoubtedly will?
We will be facing many more difficult situations like these, should we have just taken it in our stride?

Well, we did what we did. And I will keep all posted as things shape up.
Till then my fingers are crossed and my heart is a heavy, just a teeny tiny bit.

Sunday Brunch Encore

Well the jinx seems to have lifted- at least when we have friends over.

A couple of days ago I decided to have the whole building over for Sunday Brunch. And before anyone starts freaking out, there are four apartments in the building and for the first time, all are occupied. It was nice of all to agree.

So I ran around like a headless chicken, especially after the Christmas party at K's class friend's place (another post on that), finalising the menu, getting the ingredients and making all the initial preparations. Worked for 4 hours non stop- after all I was cooking for 12 adults and four children!

Have decided to give out the recipes to interested people only but will share the menu:

1. Two quiches- spinach and corn with feta and Gouda
2.                        tomato with Gouda and cheddar
3. Waffles with honey and other spreads
4. Oregano Bread along with a German rye one with various cheeses- Gouda, brie and feta
5. Lettuce, mushroom and green bean salad in an olive oil mix with a youghurt/mayo dressing
6. Red grape, cheeku, orange, apple and a guava salad with a strawberry yoghurt dressing
7. Raisin muffins

And I am so glad to say that it was all polished off and very beautifully appreciated.

Like it so much, want to make a regular feature of them- brunches I mean!!!

A full Day

My older son's school broke for the winters and he is at home till the first week of next year. My whole night was spent in dreaming up things to do with him, to alleviate his boredom, to eliminate as much as is possible television from his day and still manage not to die of sheer fatigue. Add to that taking care of my 1 and  1/2 year old as well, cooking, cleaning, washing and general maintenance!

A let me lie in bed this morning and fed the kids their breakfast which is a great start to the day. But after that, it's one thing after the other. My friends mock me and the ones abroad frankly can't believe me when I say I can't get a maid to help me out- after all it's India. I might as well be abroad doing everything myself.
 Anyway, back to my day. So after cleaning up and organising lunch and packing a small picnic, we set off for the Lodhi Gardens. Played their for quite a bit and came back. Fed them lunch and suffered their tantrums. Read for them and mediated between them as they fought. Put out the washing. Had the kids play in the sandpit, grabbed a quick tea at lunchtime, sat for two minutes, got the kids out, washed them and put the younger one to bed. Made dinner for the children while he slept, played with K, helped him do some exercises, fed him. He slept off and woke up in a real foul mood- he hates sleeping in the day. A woke up and wanted to go to the swings, K woke up and didn't. He just wanted a tantrum.

Went to the swings where A joined me with K later and then dinner etc. Yes there's more ,there always is.

Everyone has them.

Professionals have them- working their asses off from morning to night.

Students have them- either at schools or colleges and then with friends or reading up or doing what students do.

Trust me, housewives have them as well. Something that most people, of them insensitive husbands and various other species more than the rest, will not believe. It is generally believed to be child's play- after all you are playing with children all day long, no? No for the umpteenth time- it's not so easy. Which is why, these same people will do anything but spend time with their children, making all kinds of excuses- work, tiredness, inability, death :-)!!!

And this is a note specifically for the women or these days even stay at home dads, who can't really speak up or whose voice is not really heard. As if, there are millions who are reading me and will instantly understand the import of my words. You never know.

My Baby is a Big Boy!

Yes, today my little baby graduated from one class to the next one. And before I am taken for an obsessed mom, which by the way I completely am, this first move from a lower level to the next is probably the most significant one. After this, they only grow older faster- not that they wouldn't have aged otherwise. It's a little difficult to explain, but I am sure people with children know what I am talking about.

From now on start a long series of long school days, home assignments, girlfriend issues- I am hoping they would crop up much later and other such. When did I become a parent? Not the very obvious- when you gave birth to two children you dumbo! I mean, when did I stop being the fun girl I was to the trying to be a fun mom now?

And that's a question I have asked myself frequently and in private over and over again.

Today belongs to K and K alone. My baby is a big boy (with Caries teeth I am told! :-)

Organic Parenting!!!

What a fabulous new term! And I will take complete credit for making this term popular although it wasn't really coined by me.
In keeping with yesterday's thread, I happened to be discussing a similar issue with a colleague of A's, and she turns around and says,' Please do not say anything...you guys are completely organic parents' or something to that effect. And I know exactly what she meant. What she meant was that we are, for what it is, completely hands-on parents.

And in a way given the over all flavor of things, 'Organic Parents' seems to hit the perfect note. As all things organic, organic parenting should also be patented and copyrighted (I apply for both right now). As a certificate, it should be awarded to parents who slog all their waking moments trying to do the right thing. Well I should be politically correct now and non judgemental while I'm at it, and say to each his own way or who am I to comment on others and their way of bringing up their progeny.

But please do excuse me if I don't take that position. Children are the most fragile things we have to take care of and if we can't even do that, then really we should not be allowed to have any. Couples, where both partners work are by no means the ones I am targeting. Because plenty of those have all their fact right and in spite of not being able to spend all their time cleaning their children's crap, managing and setting up play dates for them etc etc, still manage to do a decent partial 'organic' thing.

But I guess the term definitely excludes those who, simply because they don't want to be encumbered by the million and one demands that a little one puts on their terribly filled up schedules, relegate their care completely to maids and ayahs and other caregivers!

So I'm saying yes to total organic parenting, even though like all other things which are really good, it takes that much more effort to bring about this particular practice!

Growing up woes!

No not mine...but K's...

The woes are not exactly his or maybe he thinks they are! In fact I'm pretty sure he thinks he's in a sorry state of affairs where no one listens to him, where he has to shout to make himself heard, where all of us (read parents) are certifiable idiots who are not from the same planet.

When did this happen? When did the new teenage started from 'Nearly 5'? And more importantly why does it? I can go on about how children achieve maturity way earlier than their 'parently' counterparts or even children 10 years ago. And I can go on about why our extreme stress on egalitarian upbringing of our children drives us insane. What egalitarian childhoods did we have? We were told to do things and we did them and if we didn't, a straight whack wasn't that uncommon. And yet, we grew up to be just fine- no traumas, no tantrums!

And here I am, buying new books as they come into the bookstore; getting games and other goodies just because a child has been ill with fever for four days!

And yet I still hope I am not wrecking their childhoods by me and my moods. Well, to each his own and finally these are the days of our lives and one hopes to be the best they can be as parents, even if not the best human beings.

Chicken Shwarma at home

Janna Gur does it again- give a fabulous recipe which turns out to be great. So if you like chicken shwarma and are unable to find a decent place to eat from, here's what you have to do:

• take deboned chicken thighs- I took nice ones with bones as I didn't have the time to debone them- take two for example
• line an oven dish with foil and place the meat on it
• pour a generous amount of olive oil
• take a tea spoonful of garam masala and sprinkle on top
• add some chicken soup- powder or liquid, the recipe didn't specify and in any case I didn't have any, so I used  a maggi seasoning cube
• put aside to marinate for as long as you can afford to- I had about an hour and more
• preheat the oven and bunk it in for 45 minutes
• in the meantime fry some onions in some oil and when the chicken is done, put the marinade in the oil and then the chicken in it for a couple of minutes- till it is golden in colour
• serve with the fried onions and you will enjoy every minute of it!

my husband did- so whatever version this is- it's great!

Finding Diaries...

...Is even harder than finding shoes in this country.

I really fail to understand the reason behind this. The only diaries available to us are boring and even more boring! Is it really too much to ask for, to have an option in funky colours/week to view or other layouts/different companies who publish diaries? Maybe it truly is!

Maybe the diary manufacturers across the world deem Indians to be non connoisseurs of the fine points of 'diary appreciation'. I start looking for a decent spread(!) in the month of December and I'm always told at every single bookshop/stationary shop, "Sorry we don't stock diaries/Sorry we have only these boring diaries...are you not the privileged one?"

Once I got a pink Collins- no longer available.
Once I got the super funky 'this Diary will Change your Life'- no longer available and never heard of ever since.
Twice I brought the Granta- we don't know if we are getting them again!

Why is it so difficult, I ask myself this question, to pamper myself with a decent Rs 500 dated day journal? But try as I might, I fail to get an answer. Come December and my husband starts scouting the shops far and wide to get his beloved wife one of her all time passions, after cookbooks of course. but all to no avail.

One year was good as well when my sister from across the oceans sent me a beautiful Monet diary...wow, my ecstasy knew no bounds. I might have to resort to that again :-(

Why, when across the world, publishers start selling diaries by the middle of the current year; is it so different for us?
Why when India is pretty good when it comes to other product designs whether they are clothes or shoes or ...even call centre hundreds, can someone not wake up and smell the money in this completely ignored and albeit small segment of stationary and therefore make some moolah out of it? Come on, there must be someone with lots of paper works floating around, looking for options to invest money into?
Maybe I will have to take matters in my own hands and ...make a date diary myself!

Finding Shoes!

Is like finding...what? Well it depends on which part of the world you are doing the search! If it's the land of plenty, the U.S., you will find more shoe types to suit all kinds of budgets than there are letters in the alphabet- English that is. But if you happen to be needing decent shoes in India, then only a miracle can help you find them unless you have relatives in the states willing to shop and ship. I am seriously exploring that option right now.

It's not as if we don't spend money  on them or want to. It's certainly not for lack of brands or malls. For some strange reason or maybe just incomprehensible to simpler folks like me, even the 'big brands' like Nike or Reebok or Puma fail to stock decent selections for women or for that reason men! Why, when I am spending upwards of Rs 3000/-, should I choose from exactly ONE pair of shoes (in this case sports sandals)? One store helper had the audacity to actually get ONE MORE pair from the men's section saying, " But they are all the same aren't they?", handing me a pair of very masculine looking sports sandals. There's a difference dude, or didn't you notice the last time you were getting dressed for work? Maybe it's training he lacked, maybe he just had to achieve targets or maybe he struts around his house wearing high heels.

Worse case scenario- you are looking for shoes for your children or babies. In India it means buying hideous, squeaky, non padded crap which does nothing to support the tender baby feet. They are terrible fits and probably hinder proper gait for babies who are still discovering a walking world.

Well tomorrow I try one last time and then I give up and send my sister the web link to the wonderful pair I have seen on the net :-)

Quick Fix Noodle Soup

So here's what you do when you have some veggies in the fridge and two hungry children.

Pour some olive oil in a any pot/pan/wok.
Add chopped onions+zucchini+greens+mushrooms and saute
Also add grated ginger and garlic
Add a dash of soy sauce and some seasoning if you have it handy
After about a minute, add water and let boil and then simmer for about 10 minutes.
In the meanwhile boil some noodles (rice noodles go nicely with it)

Put the noodles in the simmering soup and serve hot...

My babies lapped it up.

p.s...and I also put in some whole malabar green peppers and they gave off such an amazing aroma- also a dash of spice without the bite!

Same Wavelength

So are we or are we not...on the same wavelength? 

After years of being together, I would think we most definitely are...but maybe not all that much. Especially these days. This post will get too personal. So I will not say anything any further except something all women say/scream/think/cry over:  WHY WILL NO ONE UNDERSTAND ME?

You are not alone...

I feel so out of sync. If I thought bringing up two children singlehandedly was not going to be 'all that difficult'...I was bloody wrong. Two children of my own and two more to look after and help bringing up. Does anyone realize the pressure I am under? I don't think so! And why would anyone even bother.

I used to laugh at women in my situation- I laugh no longer. Women who were stuck with in laws like mine, situations as bad or worse than mine and were unable to do much about it except cry and waste their lives crying- in private and public. Yes, I feel helpless and at a complete loss to remedy the situation.
So I become a control freak- for my babies and more so for me. I either not eat and not sleep or I eat lots and sleep not!

A tries to help, but I don't really see him doing what it takes to keep me calm- not argue. I don't think it's possible for anyone in their family not to be argumentative. It's in their blood. They can't help it. And just like this A can't help me either!

Just living in the hope that it will end before I lose my sanity- truly.

Falafels at home!

Finally got to make the elusive falafel at home! And the result was pretty impressive, even if I and all else who ate it say so :-)

So A says, please make falafels. Janna Gur comes to rescue. I follow the recipe and get wow results. The trick was to adjust the proportions- but hey I got the falafels. The recipe I will share now. Its not in details, but details always available to the interested.

• Basically grind together

onion/coriander/parsley/soaked chickpeas/roasted coriander seeds/shipka peppers

• Add cumin powder/ salt/pepper/baking powder and leave in fridge
• Before frying add baking soda dissolved in water
• Fry and enjoy!!!

yum! yum!yum!

Cultural Weekend- II

What did we do this past weekend?

Well, it started with a special reading session for children where I went with K. We had a good time. And now let me reflect. Yes, we went to the club after that for lunch. Sat outside the house trying to decide what to do- suddenly just could not make a decision- mall? silver? what? So finally, A took K for tennis, where they had a ball.
I wish A went to play more often. He just doesn't go. He thinks, he will stay at home and help me- which is a great thought but won't it be better for the two of us if he is a happier person doing what he wants to? He says the same thing to me. And for the life of me I can't think of a single thing to do! Can you imagine?

Sunday mid morning, we went to RN for breakfast with my parents. It turned out to be more brunch than breakfast but was good. We came back to rest a bit and then we were off to B's for the Christmas thing. It was good. Her house was full of people. They were all german and not very keen to mingle either. In all probability, they are wondering what we are doing at a purely expat do. The children had lots of fun and finally so did we.

Came back home and although we were dead tired, waited to wish each other a happy anniversary and then fell off fast asleep.

How the anniversary itself went, is food for another post!