New Age Birthday Parties….Two posts in one!

Are definitely not my cup of tea, or rather my flute of champagne as I discovered the last couple of times, I was invited to a birthday party from K’s school.

I grew up in a home where my mother lovingly invited all friends and family for food, which she made with a great amount of effort and even more love. We had good food, great presents and a fun party. Of course, I’m sure even then, people with more money did a lot more than ‘just’ this much.

All the four birthday parties that my husband and I have organized for my nearly five year old have been along the same lines. I have cooked every single thing that was served, whether it was mini pizzas, mini quiches, fruit tarts, dips, Indian dishes, all except the cakes. We have sat down and planned each and every detail, okay I will admit, the detail freak that I am, I have planned it to the last minutae and my dear husband has gone along with all of it. So, we’ve made funky invites, have had very well thought out activities for the guests (of course, now it’s such a huge business to organize kiddie parties  that I am toying with the idea of making some moolah on the side), booze for the parents (though not of the champagne variety- lots of good old fashioned beer), and return gifts to take back home.

I was and still am dead against doing what everyone does- going to Allied stores in Khan market, give them a budget, get their tattoo maker, their magician and their standard return gifts. I want to be more involved in any party I throw, may it be for four year olds, and therefore I think we do come out tops even when compared to the two most recent parties I went to.

One was at this gigantic farmhouse straight out of the magazines- the winning houses I mean. It was an amazingly done up house, a bit cold from all that designer vibe, but better looking than most 5 star hotels, better equipped, better staffed as well. Hell, the kid had his own set of ginormous swing set in one of their lawns. The food was great, the champagne flowed like rivers after rains and the live band was more than decent. But the company could have done with loads of improvement.

We had gone thinking we’d be meeting other parents, but it turned out to be a maids only party. Why would the parents not want to meet other parents? I still don’t know the answer to this question. But K and A had a good time…

The second was organized at hired premises in one of the malls. Okay- not bad as an idea. But bad idea to have  a pirate party for a 3 year old little girl who showed no interest in being a pirate or anything else. I am sure she would’ve been happier playing in a giant dollhouse with a quieter set of kids. The parents had called all their friends with or without children. Overheard one mother cribbing to her husband about the weekly holiday of their poor maid- I am sure it is absolutely the pits to actually spend quality time with your little one when you can sit and down some champagne and bitch about who’s wearing what!

A and I also had a decent time, mostly because K and A did as well in the play area. They could’ve easily thrown a party for their friends and a much smaller one for their precious one.

The common thing between the two parties- the money being thrown around, the bling brigade (I-have-a-birkin-while-you-don’t), the classless (yeah I am a snob) ensembles, the hideous boots which of course all have to wear(ugg!!!) and the complete non involvement of the parents in the details.

But I guess most don’t notice- you have either to be there to notice or you are too drunk to!

The point of this really long post? Well, just the scale at which things are happening now and the bigger question as to how to keep your child grounded- he does go to school with these kids who so clearly inhabit another planet! 

Chandni Chowk Pix

Here are some pictures from our visit to CC on the last day of the year just gone by.

kinari bazaar

the narrow narrow lanes 

look..it's a handpump!

deep fried paranthas

Just one of the shops selling paranthas

New Year Resolutions

Have you made any? Coz I haven't really sat down and written them down or even specified them in my head. I just know some things I really want and am going to be working for; some ways I am definitely not going to behave- I think it's I grew up and stopped being angry with the world (he he).
The last year saw me spiraling down an emotional roller coaster from where it seemed impossible to climb back but I did with a tremendous amount of support from A. The last year also defined a lot of equations on the familial plane and made me realise some very old sayings- power becomes powerful only when it is acknowledged or some such thing? It is true.
I also realised that it's my family finally and nothing should affect me except for these guys.
Last year was also an year of patch ups with my sisters, on some levels superficially, on some very elementary levels therefore very important.
And oh, will try and start driving.

Saying goodbye to 2010

So we said goodbye to the year that's about to expire with a trip to the oldest part of this city- Old Delhi. Considering that I was born and brought up here, a trip to Chandni Chowk- the first in 35 years seemed like a good idea. Of course it also involved carting our two babies in an extremely crowded place, something they are not really used to. Which is probably why, for the first five minutes of getting out of the car, my older one refuses to walk on the 'spit of others'! Well I can't really blame him as this is what I have been drumming into them when we walk on the road, "Mind where you walk...; look carefully, don't want you walking in crap...blah blah blah!"

But we persevered, got him walking though got to hear this litany all through: I want to go back to New Delhi. This apart, the experience wasn't all that bad. In fact it was pretty good, exciting even (gives one an excellent insight into my super adventurous life). We got to see a part of Delhi that is so integral to this city and yet, doesn't really touch us on an everyday basis. I completely agreed with my dear husband when he said to me, knowing fully well my inherited fear of crowded places," Mala, it's so crowded that it's freeing in a way."

So what exactly did we do?
Initially with a lot of hesitation and later with more excitement we walked the narrow 'gallies'(lanes) of Kinari Bazaar with all kinds of sarees- bridal and otherwise, laces, buttons and many more embellishments, many that I have never seen before. The lane forked out to Malliwara on the right and Galli Paranthe Wali (the lane of paranthas- indian bread). The obvious choice was the latter having so heard so much about it, having wanted to see it forever. So we followed our noses and found ouselves facing a shop where paranthas were being fried in all their glory. Now the normal way of cooking this flat indian bread involves cooking it with just enough oil/butter on a girdle. So imagine my surprise when I saw them being stuffed with very dangerous looking chopped green chillies and then deep fried in smoking hot oil! Now that is what I call a fatal combo and a principal reason, I am guessing that the majority of people in this part of Delhi being in the shape or the lack of it.
There were quite a few shops with their own regular thronging the shops. There were all kinds of vegetables being used to stuff the paranthas- from the regular cauliflower, radish, potato to the never seen before green chillies, pumpkin, papads and many more outlandish (to my ears) items.
We didn't indulge ourselves with this deep fried road to blocked arteries but another later on! We chose the more mundane samosa, which by the way was out of this world at this place called Kanwarji's. I also bought some sweets the kind I have never seen before- baby rasgullahs is our name for it.

I also bought some lace for one tenth the price I buy in the common south Delhi markets. We had a great time and I guess it's a bit- addictive as A and I were already talking about a return visit.
The other things we really enjoyed were a plate of tikkis, yes I know they are deep fried, but it's once in a very long while and what the hell a little bit of fat (!) did nobody any harm. If you have it in the right places, you might even become a porn figure in the cooking world, hello Nigella! Actually I don't really know which is worse, raw beef steaks or tikkis- give me tikkis any day.
So yes, we gobbled down a plate of amazing tikkis, thin and crisp and not potato-ey at all. They are an absolute must.
My expat friends make fun of me and mostly everyone is so surprised to learn that I had never been to Old Delhi before, just as I would make fun of them saying all they wanted to see was character and therefore dirt and filth. But I am quite happy to say I was wrong and they were right- it's something to be experienced for sure.
And I am equally happy to say we are going back again...right now time to sanitise my four year old's shoes- he absolutely insists!
And oh yeah- a very happy 2011 to my millions of fans.

A Day at Sultanpur

For those who think I am talking about a day spent at someone’s posh farm house like last Saturday, it was certainly not so- it was spent at the bird sanctuary.

It was K’s second trip and A’s first. Of course K had just about turned two, so he had no recollection of ever being there- pretty much like A right now. Of course N was duly invited and instantly wanted to come along. So we set out, a picnic ready sans any fancy picnic cane basket, the kinds you read about in books or see in movies!

The food was substantial- boiled eggs, fresh coleslaw, bread, loads of chips, funflips, m & m’s, juices, and plenty of fresh fruit- giant red grapes, oranges, pomegranates, guavas and more! The spirits were high. The weather was grey and dark but to Delhi people even grey is a shade of romantic- something to do with the hot horrible summers and the wonderfully refreshing monsoons. And of course for a journey of an hour, it took us close to two, so by the time we reached, it was a quarter past one. 

After waiting for my baby to wake up and the rain to subside, we loaded up the stroller with stuff, the kids with windproof jackets and set off.

Oh it is a beautiful place. Even in the April heat last time, it was a great green place to spend a morning. Today was just perfect. 

It was a little grey still, and the far off reaches were a little invisible. But the walk along the side of the various water bodies was really charming, even after the initial glitch with these guys not climbing off the watchtower etc and me shouting like a banshee as usual.

But after that it was as close to ideal as it could possibly be, with A and I actually having a conversation, some semblance of planning if not our lives, our vacations for the next year. The children ran happily along and we were so beautifully content that we even called up Jaipur to drive out tomorrow. Of course, the plan later seemed a little too much especially as it would involve rushing back, feeding the kids, A’s getting the bike back from servicing and packing into the night to leave early morning.

In fact, even as I write, I do not really know if we go tomorrow morning.

But I also have to outline the route to the sanctuary before I forget as A has duly instructed me. So on the Delhi-Gurgaon road, you carry on till the Hero Honda Chowk, where you swing a right, carry on straight from there and being sure to swing lefts on forks except for the very first one. So you pass really crappy areas and pass this elevated road and finally arrive at this sanctuary which definitely merits a visit every winter.

It is sheer pleasure to see the kinds of birds, I have no idea about the names of the birds, but they were no ordinary birds- that I know for sure. The only spoiler was K’s super tantrum right on the way back to the car!


Well, I have kind of lost the thread to this post thanx to A's non stop chatter, so I will just sign off now!
For those wanting a pic or two, will upload them asap!

Tales of an Indian Mother in Law- I

A lot of novels and stories begin this way- 'if i knew ...blah blah blah...15 years ago...blah blah blah...', so my beginning would also be cliched. But the funny thing is I am living a cliched life! How sad is it to see in words, not just floating around in your mind, being tucked here and there just so I don't really have to say hello and do something about it.
Now I am trying to be poetic and funny.


So here we go again; if 16 years ago someone had told me that this is what my life would be, maybe I would've thought very hard before getting into it. I love my children and would do anything for them, go through anything for them, but this I still would've thought about.
So where does my mother-in-law come into it?
Well, she is root cause of all evil in this very dysfunctional household. What mother would refuse a puja done for their son?
She is the epitome of jealousy, strife and pettiness. I, as a mother now, want nothing more than seeing my two children having fun together; want so desperately for my babies to grow up and remain close to each other; wish fervently that they remain the best of friends as they grow old.


This woman wants nothing of the sort. If my husband and his brother start getting close, it upsets her plans of being the power centre of the house. A close and open relationship between her two sons upsets her as she can't bitch about one to the other.
When I started writing this post, I thought I would be writing a lot. But as I continue, I realise the futility of the exercise. It only highlights my powerlessness to change things. Which grandmother stops talking to her grandchildren because she is upset with the parents? Which grandparent openly shows preference for one set of grandchildren and complete neglect for another set?
Which mother doesn't ask her son, who;s just returned from the hospital where his wife still is after a major surgery, how his wife is or even if he needs to eat a bite? Which woman has no consideration for another who's just given birth and shows no inclination to help?
One of my friends says I am all set to get screwed from both ends (pun not intended): that I have the devil for my mother in law who just doesn't want to help me and that I would be the mother in law who will not be able to do enough for my daughters in law! I hope not. 

I understand now...

...some things which I knew in principal but not otherwise. Things like:

My husband is a man and I mean it in the nicest way possible. What I mean is that men and women are different. And I mean that nicely as well. The inherent difference between men and women barring some of course, is what sank in this week. All my complaints against my husband, I realise now are essentially, complaints against 'MEN' or their basic constitution :-)
A is extremely helpful when it comes to the children, to chores around the house etc- so no complaints there. What I was getting worked up about for the last 16 years, without any improvement on A's part, was the way he is with me.
He uses his head more than his heart when it comes to me, which is why he'll never get me samosas j l t!
He uses his heart and not his head when it comes to his family- parents etc
He mentally shuts down when I talk to him, which is why he doesn't remember anything I say to him.
He never really listens to me when it comes to important matters- sure he listens but never acts about anything.
He is dismissive of my rants- as anyone in their right mind should be.
He still uses 'sweater' and 'phone' in the irritating feminine use very particular of his family- just shows even after 16 years, who he is closer to!

My, when I started writing, I was okay about all this stuff. I was even a little relieved of the stress I've had because of a lot of things recently. But now I am thinking, I have been able to completely change myself. Why couldn't it be the same for men?

MA, You don't love me!

That's what K has started saying on an almost daily rotation. Something that disturbed me so much the first time around that I actually started crying. Something that disturbs me so much still that I start crying.
So why does K say it and why does it make me feel so bad?
K, I guess is now being hit by the jealousy that should've come a year and a half ago when A was born. So, he sees himself as the ignored one- which is just not true at all. But he says it when the smallest of things is refused him and I guess he feels it as well. Because he is just not the one to 'just' say things. And I feel bad for precisely the same reason- that he is not the kind to just say things.

So if I refuse to buy the nth book that he just takes a fancy to, if I tell him to just go ahead and sleep while I put A to bed telling him I will cuddle with him the moment he goes off to the land of sleeping or anything at all, I don't love him.

This evening, A and I had a talk with him which now I feel was a little too heavy for him. And yet, I also think it was required and was important on a level. We, without the least hint of being upset, asked him the reasons he thought we didn't love him anymore. And as he enumerated the reasons, he found himself saying that he'd been saying this in anger and that he knew we loved him. Now whether he actually believes it or was just saying it, remains to be seen.
But I do feel, we got through to him.

Should we have just ignored him and not addressed this issue which clearly has been plaguing him? Should we have taken it for a phase and allowed it to pass- as it undoubtedly will?
We will be facing many more difficult situations like these, should we have just taken it in our stride?

Well, we did what we did. And I will keep all posted as things shape up.
Till then my fingers are crossed and my heart is a heavy, just a teeny tiny bit.

Sunday Brunch Encore

Well the jinx seems to have lifted- at least when we have friends over.

A couple of days ago I decided to have the whole building over for Sunday Brunch. And before anyone starts freaking out, there are four apartments in the building and for the first time, all are occupied. It was nice of all to agree.

So I ran around like a headless chicken, especially after the Christmas party at K's class friend's place (another post on that), finalising the menu, getting the ingredients and making all the initial preparations. Worked for 4 hours non stop- after all I was cooking for 12 adults and four children!

Have decided to give out the recipes to interested people only but will share the menu:

1. Two quiches- spinach and corn with feta and Gouda
2.                        tomato with Gouda and cheddar
3. Waffles with honey and other spreads
4. Oregano Bread along with a German rye one with various cheeses- Gouda, brie and feta
5. Lettuce, mushroom and green bean salad in an olive oil mix with a youghurt/mayo dressing
6. Red grape, cheeku, orange, apple and a guava salad with a strawberry yoghurt dressing
7. Raisin muffins

And I am so glad to say that it was all polished off and very beautifully appreciated.

Like it so much, want to make a regular feature of them- brunches I mean!!!

A full Day

My older son's school broke for the winters and he is at home till the first week of next year. My whole night was spent in dreaming up things to do with him, to alleviate his boredom, to eliminate as much as is possible television from his day and still manage not to die of sheer fatigue. Add to that taking care of my 1 and  1/2 year old as well, cooking, cleaning, washing and general maintenance!

A let me lie in bed this morning and fed the kids their breakfast which is a great start to the day. But after that, it's one thing after the other. My friends mock me and the ones abroad frankly can't believe me when I say I can't get a maid to help me out- after all it's India. I might as well be abroad doing everything myself.
 Anyway, back to my day. So after cleaning up and organising lunch and packing a small picnic, we set off for the Lodhi Gardens. Played their for quite a bit and came back. Fed them lunch and suffered their tantrums. Read for them and mediated between them as they fought. Put out the washing. Had the kids play in the sandpit, grabbed a quick tea at lunchtime, sat for two minutes, got the kids out, washed them and put the younger one to bed. Made dinner for the children while he slept, played with K, helped him do some exercises, fed him. He slept off and woke up in a real foul mood- he hates sleeping in the day. A woke up and wanted to go to the swings, K woke up and didn't. He just wanted a tantrum.

Went to the swings where A joined me with K later and then dinner etc. Yes there's more ,there always is.

Everyone has them.

Professionals have them- working their asses off from morning to night.

Students have them- either at schools or colleges and then with friends or reading up or doing what students do.

Trust me, housewives have them as well. Something that most people, of them insensitive husbands and various other species more than the rest, will not believe. It is generally believed to be child's play- after all you are playing with children all day long, no? No for the umpteenth time- it's not so easy. Which is why, these same people will do anything but spend time with their children, making all kinds of excuses- work, tiredness, inability, death :-)!!!

And this is a note specifically for the women or these days even stay at home dads, who can't really speak up or whose voice is not really heard. As if, there are millions who are reading me and will instantly understand the import of my words. You never know.

My Baby is a Big Boy!

Yes, today my little baby graduated from one class to the next one. And before I am taken for an obsessed mom, which by the way I completely am, this first move from a lower level to the next is probably the most significant one. After this, they only grow older faster- not that they wouldn't have aged otherwise. It's a little difficult to explain, but I am sure people with children know what I am talking about.

From now on start a long series of long school days, home assignments, girlfriend issues- I am hoping they would crop up much later and other such. When did I become a parent? Not the very obvious- when you gave birth to two children you dumbo! I mean, when did I stop being the fun girl I was to the trying to be a fun mom now?

And that's a question I have asked myself frequently and in private over and over again.

Today belongs to K and K alone. My baby is a big boy (with Caries teeth I am told! :-)

Organic Parenting!!!

What a fabulous new term! And I will take complete credit for making this term popular although it wasn't really coined by me.
In keeping with yesterday's thread, I happened to be discussing a similar issue with a colleague of A's, and she turns around and says,' Please do not say anything...you guys are completely organic parents' or something to that effect. And I know exactly what she meant. What she meant was that we are, for what it is, completely hands-on parents.

And in a way given the over all flavor of things, 'Organic Parents' seems to hit the perfect note. As all things organic, organic parenting should also be patented and copyrighted (I apply for both right now). As a certificate, it should be awarded to parents who slog all their waking moments trying to do the right thing. Well I should be politically correct now and non judgemental while I'm at it, and say to each his own way or who am I to comment on others and their way of bringing up their progeny.

But please do excuse me if I don't take that position. Children are the most fragile things we have to take care of and if we can't even do that, then really we should not be allowed to have any. Couples, where both partners work are by no means the ones I am targeting. Because plenty of those have all their fact right and in spite of not being able to spend all their time cleaning their children's crap, managing and setting up play dates for them etc etc, still manage to do a decent partial 'organic' thing.

But I guess the term definitely excludes those who, simply because they don't want to be encumbered by the million and one demands that a little one puts on their terribly filled up schedules, relegate their care completely to maids and ayahs and other caregivers!

So I'm saying yes to total organic parenting, even though like all other things which are really good, it takes that much more effort to bring about this particular practice!

Growing up woes!

No not mine...but K's...

The woes are not exactly his or maybe he thinks they are! In fact I'm pretty sure he thinks he's in a sorry state of affairs where no one listens to him, where he has to shout to make himself heard, where all of us (read parents) are certifiable idiots who are not from the same planet.

When did this happen? When did the new teenage started from 'Nearly 5'? And more importantly why does it? I can go on about how children achieve maturity way earlier than their 'parently' counterparts or even children 10 years ago. And I can go on about why our extreme stress on egalitarian upbringing of our children drives us insane. What egalitarian childhoods did we have? We were told to do things and we did them and if we didn't, a straight whack wasn't that uncommon. And yet, we grew up to be just fine- no traumas, no tantrums!

And here I am, buying new books as they come into the bookstore; getting games and other goodies just because a child has been ill with fever for four days!

And yet I still hope I am not wrecking their childhoods by me and my moods. Well, to each his own and finally these are the days of our lives and one hopes to be the best they can be as parents, even if not the best human beings.

Chicken Shwarma at home

Janna Gur does it again- give a fabulous recipe which turns out to be great. So if you like chicken shwarma and are unable to find a decent place to eat from, here's what you have to do:

• take deboned chicken thighs- I took nice ones with bones as I didn't have the time to debone them- take two for example
• line an oven dish with foil and place the meat on it
• pour a generous amount of olive oil
• take a tea spoonful of garam masala and sprinkle on top
• add some chicken soup- powder or liquid, the recipe didn't specify and in any case I didn't have any, so I used  a maggi seasoning cube
• put aside to marinate for as long as you can afford to- I had about an hour and more
• preheat the oven and bunk it in for 45 minutes
• in the meantime fry some onions in some oil and when the chicken is done, put the marinade in the oil and then the chicken in it for a couple of minutes- till it is golden in colour
• serve with the fried onions and you will enjoy every minute of it!

my husband did- so whatever version this is- it's great!

Finding Diaries...

...Is even harder than finding shoes in this country.

I really fail to understand the reason behind this. The only diaries available to us are boring and even more boring! Is it really too much to ask for, to have an option in funky colours/week to view or other layouts/different companies who publish diaries? Maybe it truly is!

Maybe the diary manufacturers across the world deem Indians to be non connoisseurs of the fine points of 'diary appreciation'. I start looking for a decent spread(!) in the month of December and I'm always told at every single bookshop/stationary shop, "Sorry we don't stock diaries/Sorry we have only these boring diaries...are you not the privileged one?"

Once I got a pink Collins- no longer available.
Once I got the super funky 'this Diary will Change your Life'- no longer available and never heard of ever since.
Twice I brought the Granta- we don't know if we are getting them again!

Why is it so difficult, I ask myself this question, to pamper myself with a decent Rs 500 dated day journal? But try as I might, I fail to get an answer. Come December and my husband starts scouting the shops far and wide to get his beloved wife one of her all time passions, after cookbooks of course. but all to no avail.

One year was good as well when my sister from across the oceans sent me a beautiful Monet diary...wow, my ecstasy knew no bounds. I might have to resort to that again :-(

Why, when across the world, publishers start selling diaries by the middle of the current year; is it so different for us?
Why when India is pretty good when it comes to other product designs whether they are clothes or shoes or ...even call centre hundreds, can someone not wake up and smell the money in this completely ignored and albeit small segment of stationary and therefore make some moolah out of it? Come on, there must be someone with lots of paper works floating around, looking for options to invest money into?
Maybe I will have to take matters in my own hands and ...make a date diary myself!