Left Out

So what do you do when you feel left out?

It could be at 5- my older boy complains sometimes of being left out at school.
It could be at 35- like this evening at a friend's daughter's birthday party. Admittedly it doesn't happen as frequently at our age, apart from my own house, but then we are dysfunctional!

After writing this whole post, the internet connection somehow got disconnected and now I have to sit and write the whole thing again. Which I don't particularly want to.
Summary:

We are sitting out with this friend's husband having an interesting conversation.
Husband- hers, gets pointedly called in to join a small group. Pointedly, because we are pointedly left out. If it had been K, I would have tons of spiel to spin to him: join the fun/ do not complain, blah, blah!
But somehow this rule did not seem too applicable to our situation.
Of course it didn't help that the hostess seemed quite impervious to the whole thing. She was a part of this small intimate inside group. So you know when you are not wanted.
What do you do?

You say your goodbyes as gracefully as is possible without hurting your cheekbones (from too much smiling) and know that you can't possibly let yourself be in a similar situation with the same people.
One off your list.

It's Good to be OLD!

Yes, it does feel that more and more.
The power of growing old. The knowledge that comes with the 'advanced years' and the confidence.

I had gone for a meeting this evening. I met a young young girl. She was as old as I was when I actually got married. But her age was oh so evident and maybe mine was as well. I certainly was not jittery- AT ALL. And as I looked at the girl, I realized it felt good to be as old as I am.

Maybe I won't feel the same when I am in the swimming pool with a bunch of 20 somethings with their firm corps and compare them to my sagging bits and wish for the pre-two-kid-body, which by the way is totally achievable and possible even to better it!
But at the same time, I also know it won't really matter- my sagging belly, because it doesn't really matter. Body hair (gross! I know) doesn't really matter. How do I care if someone finds my moustache offensive, or the little hair on my legs when I wear a skirt. If you don't like it, look the other way mister, coz I do not care.

And I can say that now that I am on the right side of 30.
But come to think of it, I always was!

Gethia.

Just ran away for the weekend. To a place called Gethia. I had heard the name 12 years ago.
Was pleasantly surprised to know they were the same. Owned by the same people. It was a beautiful house. Every thing had been thought of. The children were happy. Anuj was too.

The lawn was great, so was the pool. The food was brilliant, the people as well.

The bathrooms were huge.

Wow

Runaway

Well going through the crap as we are and such pressure, we try and run away as frequently as possible. Even when I try and explain my situation to people, I am sure not many even get half of what they are hearing. It's just not possible- such dysfunctionality. It is possible as a third party occurrence- we read about such people and such families in the newspapers; Ekta Kapoor makes television serials based on them- By the way I am never again questioning the authenticity of the seemingly inane and impossible plots. But they do not happen to your friends and acquaintances. The number of times I've had to hear 'Are you kidding me? is irritating.
No I am not kidding. Would anyone be able to make up stories like these? Why would they? Would they be such a brand of losers that they would want to show themselves in such poor light. Pathetic.

And maybe I or my situation appears so for others as well, but should not be the case with my friends?

Anyway, I had initially started this post off as a post about my weekend. But that will be another untainted by this sh#!$@y house talk.

I just don't wish the situation I am in or even half this bad on anyone who's ever wished me well.

Addicted!

I am...to mahjongg!

I had fought this addiction some time ago, to be precise before A jr was born. I would play the damn game for hours. I thought it gave some much needed exercise to my otherwise starved brain, and maybe it does.
All I know is that I am a game freak, and I love it.
Today I got a slightly delayed mother's day present from my babies- a board game called scattergories!

I am content and I thank you God.

TIRED

Am so tired today and seem like the end of my tether as well. Am just beginning to lose it!
Birthday party after party- hopefully now with the schools having closed down, it's going to be dormant for a while.
My friend, another one is moving out of the country- got to know of it yesterday. And another one went this Sunday.
Not many left now. In fact very few.

Too tired to make new friends. Too tired not to have any.

Civic Sense? R U Kidding?

So embarrassing to say if you are in India, and more particularly in the northern belt of let's say the national capital region, you would be deluding yourself if you expected some civic politeness from the citizens.
What does it say about the country? Lots.

I was at a bank this morning with my little one in a stroller and found myself trying to open the heavy door while maneuvering the stroller- not an easy task. And all this time two guards, and other bank personnel just looked on. They literally just looked on? Maybe it was their idea of a daily dose of entertainment, the high point of their dumb days. In all probability they just didn't want to come across as being wimpy, opening doors for women with infants, or for that matter anyone.

Why are we a nation devoid of any etiquette?
The answer even more embarrassing- the lower ranks behave as the head of the organization does. So what example is being set for them in a country rampant with national level corruption scandals, bribery, cheating and crime; where power lies in the hands of those 'unempowered' by even the most basic education, where ability does not necessarily translate to empowerment, where women are well 'women'.

What else would you expect in a nation like this?
Where you can't take a taxi without haggling over the price, even though there's a perfectly fine meter.
Where you try and fleece foreign nationals because they get the 'dollars'.
Where you are happier staying away from the police.
Where there is basically no logic to the systems which never work anyway!

The argument comes back, at least in my head to population, a drawback which China has so beautifully turned to its resource. We can't even control this most root of all causes, in turn the cause of all evils in a developing economy like ours. We can't even provide the most basic of protection to our citizens nor a shelter over our heads nor food. Please don't forget this is the country where our farmers regularly commit suicide because they just can't go on any longer.

And what happens when all this is going on? Is there a national hue and cry? Kind of, in the dailies or the numerous television channels. But what happens then? Do policies get made? Does the money allocated reach the needy? No.

And all this boils down to our looking the other way when a woman is being beaten on the road. It happened when I was 8 months pregnant right in front of my house. And there was NOBODY except this hugely pregnant busybody trying to get the guy to leave the girl. And all this while a group of young 20 somethings- some 10 odd drivers, told me on being shouted at, 'we didn't know whose fault it was...anyway it's a family matter.'

Family matter- rat's ass!

This is what my beloved country boils down to. And to think I gave up a lot of opportunities to come back to this 'oldest civilization'.
Civilisation? Now you are definitely kidding.

No one's Reading

Why is no one reading BIRTHDAY PARTIES-3?

Now that is depressing.

Of course I check my stats. That's the first thing I do when I log in. My millions of followers are a few hundreds of thousands short, but they have grown from 3 to 15!

How do I feel?

On top of the world.

Age 'Eyeing' Me!

So went to the eye doctor today.
Had blurred vision since a couple of months and had postponed this appointment a couple of times already. And I promise if A had not literally pushed me out, I would've cancelled for sure.
After a long wait at the doctor's, and a funny explanation of the reason of my visit- I sounded like a hypochondriac to my own ears; turns out my muscles are tired tired tired. All this because of blogging in the dark- not because this is highly sensitive stuff and needs to be protected from probing eyes.
Au contraire, it is for the sake of the probing eyes, that I have to write when putting my kids to bed, with the lights off.
Well, I hate blurred vision but at least it's not leading up to wearing glasses.

Sleepless Nights

How I wish they were because of some warm cuddles with A...

No such luck. A junior has been waking up every single night at midnight. Usually he goes back to bed around 1 in the morning, but yesterday decided to be up for 3 hours.
He woke up just as I had finally taken something for my migraine and had A heat up...a heating pad for my neck (ha ha). And then plain refused to go back to bed. I don't know what was bothering him, but something clearly was.

I hope he sleeps through tonight, or it will make me think it's the curse of the B-witch!

Bull-ying :-(

Have had a tough week as far as K is concerned.

It started with a call from school asking for him to be picked up early as he had been inconsolable, crying himself into throwing up. I went, picked up my crying baby and by the time we were 50 mts away, the child was back to normal.
All week long, the pattern continues, with him actually making himself so sick that he could not go to school. Thursday saw me forcibly leaving him with some instructions to the teachers. Same story the next day. Makes me actually go to a child psychologist to figure out if I was doing something wrong. Turns out we are fine.
Also turns out that my angel is being bullied terribly at school, with two older boys intimidating him and his dear friend. They've been calling these poor children names, seeking them out and being so obnoxious that the other kid started peeing in his pants and mine just plain refused to go to school. I did complain to the teacher. I was told they are never unsupervised. Turns out they are.

What do I do about it?
I go and find out tomorrow.

Question: What does one do when one's gentle offspring is faced with the big bad world?
How do you empower them? They will be faced with weak people like these bullies, how do they learn how to survive?
Survival of the fittest.
One more thing to teach.

At the same time, I am SAD.

BIRTHDAY PARTIES-2

I wrote once before about the kiddie birthday parties I had been attending. Time to talk just a little bit more about the same.
For the past couple of months, all our weekends have been devoted to attending birthday parties of K's school friends, sometimes twice in one evening. The whole class is invited. There is a big bouncy. The venues are big- mostly farmhouse residences, and in many cases the return gifts seem to cost more money than the gifts I have given out.

It is a bit scary.

We do  not believe in such. Kiddie parties should be just that- and not a show of wealth. But I guess that really can't be controlled. The kids are happy with a bouncy- it could be in the middle of a park, and cake and yes, you just can't do without it- popcorn! I admit that now before you make your child say goodbye and thank you, the inevitable question of a return gift does pop up, but that is easily taken care of.
And that leaves me with rich parents wanting to spend the most, do the best, have the biggest parties. I was recently at one where the only drink on offer was champagne :-)
Is it just a question of the school your child is going to- I think not.
And the next one, if this is the scale of  a 5 year old's birthday, what will the scale of their weddings be? Luckily that bridge is quite some distance off, not done away with, just to be tackled later.

It then becomes even more important to teach the little ones, value of friendships and all the things money can't buy; 'even though there's mastercard for them'!!!

How did my parents do it? I can only hope and pray we do even half the great job they did.

Axis Bank or Axe the Clients Bank?

I do realize I am just not happy with the title of this blog.
Just because the manager of the branch I have been banking with for the last decade or more behaved like a complete idiot and showed no respect for the customer, should've kind of made me think of something more appropriate like, 'axis: bank with morons, why don't you?' ....don't know- just not happy.

Well that was an understatement when I was so rudely treated by the supercilious and extremely full of himself bank manager on being presented by the simplest of requests, ' Is it possible to have a one point contact with the bank?' It was as if I had asked him to surrender his salary to me! 'Do you have a priority account?' Hello?? Which age are you living in and which age group do you belong to?
We were given a priority account by an amazing account executive who went out of her way to keep the customer happy.
And to this the dumb idiot replied, 'She did what she shouldn't have, no one does it and will not either!'

My my such strong words- it almost made her sound as she was bestowing unnatural favours rather than retaining clients for the bank she WORKS for and actually doing the job she was being paid to do. He twisted my words out of proportion, making 'transactions' sound like a dirty word and told me in no uncertain terms that 'no one would do it'!
Do what? Make a demand draft by debiting money from my account on a cheque I had signed?
Sending a runner home with some papers which needed signing as I had a four month old baby?
Making sure that the credit card guy or the investment guy actually met me?
Sending a fresh cheque book?

Unfortunately it's idiots like this manager who will cost the bank a huge amount of money. And it's even more unfortunate that they will not even get to know about it as Axis Bank does not have a way of getting feedback from their customers. Perhaps they don't need it.

I will go this weekend to close all my accounts with this place and will smirk at the con of a manger as he smirked when I asked an account executive for an account closure form.

Away in the City!!!

That's what we did yesterday for A's big day!
Pending the iPad2- just don't seem to know anyone traveling to the U.S or alternatively anyone willing to carry the same for me; it was the only sane thing I could think of giving my completely bone tired husband.

 Poor moi!

So I checked us into the Trident in Gurgaon for the day. The idea was to stay away from this depressing house and give A some much needed relaxation, especially on his birthday.
It was pretty much what I had wanted from the day- spent almost entirely in the pool. We had a leisurely breakfast after checking into our luxurious 'pool-view' room. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have been able to find any faults with the freshly brewed coffee or the brilliant omelet or the waffles or the presentation of it all!

It was strange to be in the city and yet to feel away on a holiday. I heartily recommend it to all. Just try it- play hookie from work in the middle of the work week, splurge a little on yourself, spend a day of decadence, force yourself not to think of anything at all and see the difference! It will be good.

Budget Travel

...is not budget anymore.

Yes I know these are inflationary times. I also know that prices are not the same as they used to be a decade and much more ago when A and I actually started traveling. Heck we have actually done an Amritsar-McLeodganj-Yamunanagar trip in 6000/- rupees in all, spending on petrol for our dear old Fiat Uno, stays in clean, decent albeit government hotels  and mind you they were definitely not budget backpacker options, food and a bit of shopping!

But now it seems whatever option you might choose, you have to dish out a minimum of 4000-5000 rupees. And these are not even very fancy. When did it all change? Is this what my parents and other people across ages have been repeating to themselves whenever they are confronted by astronomical price of things they just payed peanuts for?

I don't believe so. 'Traveling' in India has finally caught on, with the masses now actually indulging in all forms of it; from weekend trips to cruises to adventure to heritage. I also believe that all those charging the earth now are cashing in on the consumer psyche which wants them to indulge in a bit of luxury even when they 'believe' they can't afford the true luxe offered by the big hotel chains! Little do these poor (ha ha) susceptible people know that the deals and discounts offered by the latter far exceed in terms of value for money.
True there are those who prefer the warmth of a small home-stay to the sterility of a five star hotel. For these there are home-stays in places like Kerala charging 10,000/- and more per night!!! Shocking? You bet it is. I came across quite a few of these options when preparing for our Kerala trip last September. We poor people chose the sterility of Taj- much cheaper, much more convenient and definitely more equipped to handle random touristy demands! But then maybe I can't truly appreciate quality when I see it.

Trust me I am not trying to bring down the private enterprise. Au contraire, I am all for it. Lovely and warm people opening up their houses, their sanctum sanctorums to the sometimes crude and rude critique of people who have no respect for the fact and who demand satellite television connections in a small village somewhere in Hiamchal Pradesh, amongst other equally banal stuff.
I am all for knowing that the owner of a small place where I am staying won't treat my request for an early meal for my children (trust me NOBODY eats at 1830 in India!) as rubbish and would even offer the use of the kitchen for my idiosyncrasies- making my own dinner. It's not always possible and I understand and accept that. After all one is traveling and is trying to be open to everything.
I am all for the fact that the food in the kitchen will be fresh as there aren't too many things leftover like in big hotel kitchens.

What I just can't understand is the money I am being charged for it. I mean, I don't mind paying 3000-4000 rupees for a kickass small family run hotel, where the sheets don't make me itch for the ones I carry in the car. But someone has to sit up and realise that they are charging way too much than is justified.
I have some very beautiful places to recommend which still do not cost an arm and a leg for a weekend trip: Meghniwas in Jaipur, Carlton's in Mussourie and some more.

But the need of the hour is many more of these.
Maybe I will start the trend.