Wow...Are All foreigners like this? No only on Delhibabies!

Voila, here it is again- the question of maids and what the poor foreigners think about us terrible Indians. And, politically incorrect as I am, here's my reply. Do try and imagine the mails to which this I am hoping is the last trail:




I, an Indian, completely 'local', just want to request all to please 'verify from their maids who they might be recommending for a job whether or not they would deign to work with Indians, local or not'.

And Mr Tapper, do write to me or the group whenever you find the answer to the very profound question that you have raised, perhaps showing me the ugly truth about me- having not a clue about me or my background!!!(of course you must have taken into account simple economics)

And for all those who are getting all het up at this very simple request of mine, I do believe someone was furious not too far back at an e-mail/discount/invitation not extended to all 'expats', only americans...so please for once put urselves in our lowly places and get a taste of rude staff.

AND all those who feel terrible at the inhumane treatment of household staff by Indians, my only consolation is that you will heading home sooner or later where you will be completely rid of this topic once and for all.

AND to end this note, I thank God, I have had the pleasure of meeting SOME really good 'expats' in India and abroad, most of whom are very good friends of mine; or else I would've thought forever that all foreigners are racists...please excuse me those who truly are not!
Evidently, most members of this group haven't had the same pleasure- that of making some real Indian friends.

Warmest Regards

Mala Datta

THE PROFESSIONAL CHEF AND THE ONE WITHOUT THE...

I do realize that the title of this one is a bit confusing.
But the simple act of buying the first- a professional tome published by the CIA (he he- the Culinary Institute of America) becomes a big deal as the second one is out there to confuse you.
Which is what happened to my dear husband when he went out looking for the former for my birthday. The second book, which has the same title sans 'the' was offered him everywhere. This particular edition has been written by a top Indian chef Arvind Saraswat and is considered something of a legend.
Why then, would a legend knowingly aim to misguide people. His book, like the other one is supposed to be a reference for students of the hospitality industry. I am absolutely sure he knows of the existence of THE Professional Chef. Why then would he call his book: Professional Chef? To ride on the popularity and credibility of the other. Or it could be that, being Indian, he thought that if one title could be lucky for one when why not him? Did he honestly believe that it really does not matter or that no one would notice or know the difference? Does it not reflect upon him, as a person?
I believe it does. And I seriously am going to peruse his book as well and tell you in great detail whether it matches up or not.
As far as layout, photography, techniques, aesthetics are concerned, I can tell you right away- Professional Chef is not a patch on THE P C!

I WANT...

To do something.
To do something meaningful.
To do something BIG.

After going through a whole gamut of emotions including deep dark depression, I now want to do something and make it big. But what can I do? I don't really know. Sixteen years of full time radio, five years of being a full time mother and the same of being a disgruntled, bitchy daughter-in-law.
But as I would write in my c.v.: hardworking, loyal to a fault and ready to learn ANYTHING.

Happy Birthday To Me!

I turned 36 yesterday.
A gave me everything I would've wished for, including this Macbook, but and the only thing missing was more time spent together. We were together all the time...just want some us time now.
Time to preen...my birthday gifts:

macbook
the professional chef
professional chef
and a day away from home :-)

A truly special gift…and kind too

So I am at a store ‘just looking’ with no real intention of buying- I didn’t like most of what was displayed.

So I hear this beautiful music playing in the store and I ask to be shown the cover of the CD- they were prayers being sung to Guru Nanak.

So, this sales assistant just hands me a brand new CD- as a GIFT!!!

I seriously haven’t ever come across this kind of generosity, especially not in Delhi, especially not by sales assistants who are openly rude if you decide not to buy anything from their store. I insisted on paying- he insisted that I not pay him for a gift.

I am truly touched. I will have to pass on this gesture of kindness.

Retail Therapy and a Birthday Present

Well, why not? It’s the perfect way to relieve any kind of pain, especially if one’s birthday is approaching and one wants to feel good and one’s husband wants them to feel good.

So one tags three children along- wow that sure is a great way to feel fabulous. Hoping against hope, that I would be allowed at least five minutes to check out a couple of tees at M & S, I trudged in with three kids of various ages and a stroller. But as it WAS hope against hope, it was not to materialize. So, I took all to the food court to fill their stomachs before anything else.

Of course there was a gigantic video gaming arcade and another huge area with rides...K just had to get on. So I just had to say no. And so on it went, till…of course I screamed at them and then to make up, I let them go on the rides

Tried to find a pair of shoes for myself (yes the same old shoe story), but in the third Hush Puppies store, could not find a single pair in my size. So just imagine my disappointment- I guess some of you can while my own darling A just can’t. The funny thing is that if such a thing had happened to him, he would’ve been mouthing obscenities at one and all refusing to buy shoes forever.

But because it’s me, I am not allowed. That’s the funny thing about A.

So, here I am now feeling sad sad sad, when a couple of minutes back I was so happy inside having spent some serious time and some serious money on books.

Maybe a birthday present, instead of all the THINGS would be a promise- something he will keep, not to just say things. The worst thing about this habit- it’s just between him and me. Now that’s truly special!!!

Apart from the fact we love each other to bits and would do anything for the other.

My Blog is Personal

And is about personal issues, so if anyone has an issue with that, please don’t read it. This  should be the statutory warning accompanying my blog. To borrow from Meera Syal, life is not ha ha hee hee, and these posts reflects that.

I suddenly realized this as I sent my blog link to an acquaintance…most of what I write about are very personal  things which touch my everyday life; stuff that most people might not be interested in. I am not trying to dissuade the millions who follow me in to not reading me, just…warning: read at your own risk.

Devil in Disguise!

No this time, it’s not the lovely other woman in my life- my mother-in-law, although she more than fits the bill; believe it or not, it’s actually for me.

So why? Trust me, when I started writing this post, I had plenty to write about but between then and now, my two haven’t slept although it’s way past their bedtime (how will the older one get into his school routine from tomorrow?), have managed to infuriate me beyond belief- yes I know they are angelic, sweet, little children) and just turned my evening plans (that of settling down finally and comfortably in front of my macbook) upside down.

I can carry on through the day, but come late evening, I just want someone to wave a magic wand and put them to bed in a jiffy. Which I guess one would be able to- just turn around and switch the light off as one murmurs ‘good night’, just as they show in the movies, if and it’s a big if, they had their own rooms. But, and it’s a big but (ha) ((one must absolutely read Arabella Weir’s Does My Bum Look big in This?)). So coming back to this bummer, such is not the case so one just has to be a devil (now I get why I started writing this one, phew) and brave it somehow…

A Day of Migraine!

For all those who suffer from them my sincere whatever it is one says to fellow sufferers. I had a bad one yesterday and am still kind of recovering from it.

New Age Birthday Parties….Two posts in one!

Are definitely not my cup of tea, or rather my flute of champagne as I discovered the last couple of times, I was invited to a birthday party from K’s school.

I grew up in a home where my mother lovingly invited all friends and family for food, which she made with a great amount of effort and even more love. We had good food, great presents and a fun party. Of course, I’m sure even then, people with more money did a lot more than ‘just’ this much.

All the four birthday parties that my husband and I have organized for my nearly five year old have been along the same lines. I have cooked every single thing that was served, whether it was mini pizzas, mini quiches, fruit tarts, dips, Indian dishes, all except the cakes. We have sat down and planned each and every detail, okay I will admit, the detail freak that I am, I have planned it to the last minutae and my dear husband has gone along with all of it. So, we’ve made funky invites, have had very well thought out activities for the guests (of course, now it’s such a huge business to organize kiddie parties  that I am toying with the idea of making some moolah on the side), booze for the parents (though not of the champagne variety- lots of good old fashioned beer), and return gifts to take back home.

I was and still am dead against doing what everyone does- going to Allied stores in Khan market, give them a budget, get their tattoo maker, their magician and their standard return gifts. I want to be more involved in any party I throw, may it be for four year olds, and therefore I think we do come out tops even when compared to the two most recent parties I went to.

One was at this gigantic farmhouse straight out of the magazines- the winning houses I mean. It was an amazingly done up house, a bit cold from all that designer vibe, but better looking than most 5 star hotels, better equipped, better staffed as well. Hell, the kid had his own set of ginormous swing set in one of their lawns. The food was great, the champagne flowed like rivers after rains and the live band was more than decent. But the company could have done with loads of improvement.

We had gone thinking we’d be meeting other parents, but it turned out to be a maids only party. Why would the parents not want to meet other parents? I still don’t know the answer to this question. But K and A had a good time…

The second was organized at hired premises in one of the malls. Okay- not bad as an idea. But bad idea to have  a pirate party for a 3 year old little girl who showed no interest in being a pirate or anything else. I am sure she would’ve been happier playing in a giant dollhouse with a quieter set of kids. The parents had called all their friends with or without children. Overheard one mother cribbing to her husband about the weekly holiday of their poor maid- I am sure it is absolutely the pits to actually spend quality time with your little one when you can sit and down some champagne and bitch about who’s wearing what!

A and I also had a decent time, mostly because K and A did as well in the play area. They could’ve easily thrown a party for their friends and a much smaller one for their precious one.

The common thing between the two parties- the money being thrown around, the bling brigade (I-have-a-birkin-while-you-don’t), the classless (yeah I am a snob) ensembles, the hideous boots which of course all have to wear(ugg!!!) and the complete non involvement of the parents in the details.

But I guess most don’t notice- you have either to be there to notice or you are too drunk to!

The point of this really long post? Well, just the scale at which things are happening now and the bigger question as to how to keep your child grounded- he does go to school with these kids who so clearly inhabit another planet! 

Chandni Chowk Pix

Here are some pictures from our visit to CC on the last day of the year just gone by.

kinari bazaar

the narrow narrow lanes 

look..it's a handpump!

deep fried paranthas

Just one of the shops selling paranthas

New Year Resolutions

Have you made any? Coz I haven't really sat down and written them down or even specified them in my head. I just know some things I really want and am going to be working for; some ways I am definitely not going to behave- I think it's I grew up and stopped being angry with the world (he he).
The last year saw me spiraling down an emotional roller coaster from where it seemed impossible to climb back but I did with a tremendous amount of support from A. The last year also defined a lot of equations on the familial plane and made me realise some very old sayings- power becomes powerful only when it is acknowledged or some such thing? It is true.
I also realised that it's my family finally and nothing should affect me except for these guys.
Last year was also an year of patch ups with my sisters, on some levels superficially, on some very elementary levels therefore very important.
And oh, will try and start driving.

Saying goodbye to 2010

So we said goodbye to the year that's about to expire with a trip to the oldest part of this city- Old Delhi. Considering that I was born and brought up here, a trip to Chandni Chowk- the first in 35 years seemed like a good idea. Of course it also involved carting our two babies in an extremely crowded place, something they are not really used to. Which is probably why, for the first five minutes of getting out of the car, my older one refuses to walk on the 'spit of others'! Well I can't really blame him as this is what I have been drumming into them when we walk on the road, "Mind where you walk...; look carefully, don't want you walking in crap...blah blah blah!"

But we persevered, got him walking though got to hear this litany all through: I want to go back to New Delhi. This apart, the experience wasn't all that bad. In fact it was pretty good, exciting even (gives one an excellent insight into my super adventurous life). We got to see a part of Delhi that is so integral to this city and yet, doesn't really touch us on an everyday basis. I completely agreed with my dear husband when he said to me, knowing fully well my inherited fear of crowded places," Mala, it's so crowded that it's freeing in a way."

So what exactly did we do?
Initially with a lot of hesitation and later with more excitement we walked the narrow 'gallies'(lanes) of Kinari Bazaar with all kinds of sarees- bridal and otherwise, laces, buttons and many more embellishments, many that I have never seen before. The lane forked out to Malliwara on the right and Galli Paranthe Wali (the lane of paranthas- indian bread). The obvious choice was the latter having so heard so much about it, having wanted to see it forever. So we followed our noses and found ouselves facing a shop where paranthas were being fried in all their glory. Now the normal way of cooking this flat indian bread involves cooking it with just enough oil/butter on a girdle. So imagine my surprise when I saw them being stuffed with very dangerous looking chopped green chillies and then deep fried in smoking hot oil! Now that is what I call a fatal combo and a principal reason, I am guessing that the majority of people in this part of Delhi being in the shape or the lack of it.
There were quite a few shops with their own regular thronging the shops. There were all kinds of vegetables being used to stuff the paranthas- from the regular cauliflower, radish, potato to the never seen before green chillies, pumpkin, papads and many more outlandish (to my ears) items.
We didn't indulge ourselves with this deep fried road to blocked arteries but another later on! We chose the more mundane samosa, which by the way was out of this world at this place called Kanwarji's. I also bought some sweets the kind I have never seen before- baby rasgullahs is our name for it.

I also bought some lace for one tenth the price I buy in the common south Delhi markets. We had a great time and I guess it's a bit- addictive as A and I were already talking about a return visit.
The other things we really enjoyed were a plate of tikkis, yes I know they are deep fried, but it's once in a very long while and what the hell a little bit of fat (!) did nobody any harm. If you have it in the right places, you might even become a porn figure in the cooking world, hello Nigella! Actually I don't really know which is worse, raw beef steaks or tikkis- give me tikkis any day.
So yes, we gobbled down a plate of amazing tikkis, thin and crisp and not potato-ey at all. They are an absolute must.
My expat friends make fun of me and mostly everyone is so surprised to learn that I had never been to Old Delhi before, just as I would make fun of them saying all they wanted to see was character and therefore dirt and filth. But I am quite happy to say I was wrong and they were right- it's something to be experienced for sure.
And I am equally happy to say we are going back again...right now time to sanitise my four year old's shoes- he absolutely insists!
And oh yeah- a very happy 2011 to my millions of fans.

A Day at Sultanpur

For those who think I am talking about a day spent at someone’s posh farm house like last Saturday, it was certainly not so- it was spent at the bird sanctuary.

It was K’s second trip and A’s first. Of course K had just about turned two, so he had no recollection of ever being there- pretty much like A right now. Of course N was duly invited and instantly wanted to come along. So we set out, a picnic ready sans any fancy picnic cane basket, the kinds you read about in books or see in movies!

The food was substantial- boiled eggs, fresh coleslaw, bread, loads of chips, funflips, m & m’s, juices, and plenty of fresh fruit- giant red grapes, oranges, pomegranates, guavas and more! The spirits were high. The weather was grey and dark but to Delhi people even grey is a shade of romantic- something to do with the hot horrible summers and the wonderfully refreshing monsoons. And of course for a journey of an hour, it took us close to two, so by the time we reached, it was a quarter past one. 

After waiting for my baby to wake up and the rain to subside, we loaded up the stroller with stuff, the kids with windproof jackets and set off.

Oh it is a beautiful place. Even in the April heat last time, it was a great green place to spend a morning. Today was just perfect. 

It was a little grey still, and the far off reaches were a little invisible. But the walk along the side of the various water bodies was really charming, even after the initial glitch with these guys not climbing off the watchtower etc and me shouting like a banshee as usual.

But after that it was as close to ideal as it could possibly be, with A and I actually having a conversation, some semblance of planning if not our lives, our vacations for the next year. The children ran happily along and we were so beautifully content that we even called up Jaipur to drive out tomorrow. Of course, the plan later seemed a little too much especially as it would involve rushing back, feeding the kids, A’s getting the bike back from servicing and packing into the night to leave early morning.

In fact, even as I write, I do not really know if we go tomorrow morning.

But I also have to outline the route to the sanctuary before I forget as A has duly instructed me. So on the Delhi-Gurgaon road, you carry on till the Hero Honda Chowk, where you swing a right, carry on straight from there and being sure to swing lefts on forks except for the very first one. So you pass really crappy areas and pass this elevated road and finally arrive at this sanctuary which definitely merits a visit every winter.

It is sheer pleasure to see the kinds of birds, I have no idea about the names of the birds, but they were no ordinary birds- that I know for sure. The only spoiler was K’s super tantrum right on the way back to the car!


Well, I have kind of lost the thread to this post thanx to A's non stop chatter, so I will just sign off now!
For those wanting a pic or two, will upload them asap!

Tales of an Indian Mother in Law- I

A lot of novels and stories begin this way- 'if i knew ...blah blah blah...15 years ago...blah blah blah...', so my beginning would also be cliched. But the funny thing is I am living a cliched life! How sad is it to see in words, not just floating around in your mind, being tucked here and there just so I don't really have to say hello and do something about it.
Now I am trying to be poetic and funny.


So here we go again; if 16 years ago someone had told me that this is what my life would be, maybe I would've thought very hard before getting into it. I love my children and would do anything for them, go through anything for them, but this I still would've thought about.
So where does my mother-in-law come into it?
Well, she is root cause of all evil in this very dysfunctional household. What mother would refuse a puja done for their son?
She is the epitome of jealousy, strife and pettiness. I, as a mother now, want nothing more than seeing my two children having fun together; want so desperately for my babies to grow up and remain close to each other; wish fervently that they remain the best of friends as they grow old.


This woman wants nothing of the sort. If my husband and his brother start getting close, it upsets her plans of being the power centre of the house. A close and open relationship between her two sons upsets her as she can't bitch about one to the other.
When I started writing this post, I thought I would be writing a lot. But as I continue, I realise the futility of the exercise. It only highlights my powerlessness to change things. Which grandmother stops talking to her grandchildren because she is upset with the parents? Which grandparent openly shows preference for one set of grandchildren and complete neglect for another set?
Which mother doesn't ask her son, who;s just returned from the hospital where his wife still is after a major surgery, how his wife is or even if he needs to eat a bite? Which woman has no consideration for another who's just given birth and shows no inclination to help?
One of my friends says I am all set to get screwed from both ends (pun not intended): that I have the devil for my mother in law who just doesn't want to help me and that I would be the mother in law who will not be able to do enough for my daughters in law! I hope not.